You deserve a vacation. Unfortunately, there is a problem. Or two. Or three. If you fly somewhere, you’re faced with airline fees for everything from bathroom breaks to cabin pressurization. Driving isn’t much better, as the cost of gas remains so high that you’ve even considered the unthinkable—taking the bus to work. And oh yeah, thanks to the housing crash and the economy, you’re broke.

Thankfully, that’s why God gave us the staycation. Of course, even sticking around the Sound isn’t without its troubles. Your neighborhood is safe and friendly, but who knows what dangers lurk in the more… shall we say… “exotic” corners of the Pacific Northwest.

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We sat down with FLAX, our expert parakeet consultant, who was gracious enough to share with us some of the life wisdom he has learned.

FLAX on enjoying the weekend:

Hrello hrello hrello. Tweet! Prerty bird, prerty bird. Tweet tweet tweet, tweet-tweet tweet. Hrello, cracker! Chirp tweet tweet chirpity chirp.

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Laziness: it’s not just for sitting around the house anymore. Here in America, the land of such groundbreaking inventions as the recliner and the the diet pill, we have become the world leader in laziness. But how can you make laziness work for you?

The personal benefits of laziness are limitless, but for now let’s limit our focus to one area… say, parking lots.

One great way to exercise the power of laziness in the parking lot is to never park more than four spaces away from the front of an aisle…

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