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The Papyrus Virus 2009-07-18

King County Metro Buses: Now With 100% More Papyrus!

The Burke Museum resorts to Papyrus to tout their coffee exhibit on the back of King County Metro buses. As if dedicating an entire exhibit…

2008-08-03

New and Upcoming Revenue Sources for Seattle

(Visit The Naked Loon to view this life-altering graphic)

2008-07-31

Stingy Geek Reluctant to Spend Four Dollars to Download Dr. Horrible

Kirkland resident Matthew Teton reported Thursday that he has not yet decided if it is worth four dollars on iTunes to download the hit internet supervillain musical Dr. Horrible.

Teton insists that his indecision has nothing to do with the entertainment quality of the production from Firefly producer Joss Whedon, describing it as “totally hilarious” and “a must-watch.”

“Neil Patrick Harris was perfect as the aspiring villain and bumbling romantic Dr. Horrible,” said Teton. “But is it worth four dollars to be able to have Dr. Horrible on my iPhone… I just don’t know.”

2008-04-09

Washington Poison Center Introduces Mr. Yum

The Washington Poison Center held a press conference today to announce the introduction of Mr. Yum, a new character that will be used to further their mission to properly condition children against poisons.

The new Mr. Yum character retains the familiar green color of the Mr. Yuk brand, but in place of an angry face sticking out its tongue, Mr. Yum sports a sly grin as he licks his lips.

2008-10-28

Weird Al Arrested in Illegal Chinchilla Breeding Sting

Police in Sultan arrested world-famous polka star “Weird” Al Yankovic on Monday, charging him with seven counts of illegal chinchilla breeding and four counts of aiding and abetting copious concealed chinchilla copulation.

“This is probably the most disturbing crime I’ve had to deal with in my entire career,” said Sultan’s Interim Police Chief Rick Hawkins. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to scrub the image from my brain.”

2008-04-02

DOT Announces New Ultra-Green Ferry Routes

Citing environmental concerns, the Washington State Department of Transportation announced new system-wide ferry routes today.

“Holy crap,” said state Transportation Secretary Paula Hammond, “it turns out that the Puget Sound has a lot of wildlife!” She explained that the new routes will allow ferries to avoid disturbing sensitive natural habitats, with the minor side effect of quadrupling most crossing times.

2008-06-10

Neighbors that Want Their Cats to Stay in One Piece Need to Keep Them Out of My Dang Yard

I’m a reasonable, tolerant person, but I admit, there are a few things that I do not tolerate: intolerance, coffee beans that are not fair trade and certified organic, Wal*Mart, carbon emissions, the neighbors’ gosh darned cats in my yard.

In fact, I’m putting out this official warning right now: Neighbors that do not want pieces of their cats to be individually wrapped and delivered on their doorstep need to keep them the heck out of my yard.

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