It is Not Easy Being White

It seems like the popular thing to talk about these days is all the racial tension and “hidden racism” against African-Americans. That is fine, I am as anti-racism as the next progressive, but let me tell you something: it is not easy being white, either.

Let me just start with the word “white.” Who decided that it was okay to call me that? I prefer “Euro-American” or simply “Amero-American.” But white does not even accurately describe the actual color of my skin. Do you know what is actually white? Toilets, mayonnaise, and snow. People call me white right to my face; day in and day out. What they are really calling me is “snowy mayo toilet-skin.”

Have you ever heard of a college scholarship being offered for Euro-Americans? Of course you have not, because such things do not exist. Since nobody out there would give me free money for the color of my skin, my parents had to use up nearly ten percent of my trust fund to pay for my private university tuition. That money was supposed to buy me a house in Bellevue when I graduated, and now I may have to settle for Queen Anne or Magnolia.

Or how about when I go to an ethnic restaurant for dinner and the servers just assume that I speak English, just because I am Euro-American? Obviously I do speak English, but it is really rude of them just to jump to racist conclusions like that.

I tried to contact the National Association for the Advancement of Colorless People last week when Hunter, one of my Euro-American friends, was turned down for a job with the Marriott housekeeping staff, but then I remembered—oh yeah, there is no such organization. How convenient for the people that want to keep us down.

Racism against Euro-Americans is the real hidden racism. Nobody runs news features about the way that people just assume things about me because of my skin tone. Just because I am “white” does not mean that my kids play soccer and go to a private school—although they do, or that I live on a quiet cul-de-sac in an upper-middle class neighborhood—although I do. And just because I have light skin does not mean that I do not want to get stopped by the police once in a while just for driving my car down the block.

These are just some of the difficulties I face on a daily basis in today’s society. Do not think that just because we are living in the twenty-first century, white people have it easy—nothing could be further from the truth.

About the Author

Addison Berkeley
Naked Loon Staff Columnist

11 Comments on "It is Not Easy Being White"

  1. Gosh, this is accurate.

  2. Wow, this is definitely going to offend some people….

  3. Token Guy | May 8, 2008 at 12:00 am |

    Half of me is so offended. 12.5% fell asleep after “It is Not Easy Being White”. 12.5% doesn’t understand English and just thought that the writer has a nice smile. 6.25% kant reed two gud an doont ghet itt. 37.5% is still trying to tally the rest of me to make sure that I’m all here, but then it realized that there is too much of me and that I need to subtract a portion… maybe the part that doesn’t have it easy should go. Thanks for blurb… I’ll be washing the mayo-tint from my hands to make life better. brb

  4. Dew Malone | May 15, 2008 at 11:20 pm |

    Is this supposed to be funny?

    No, seriously.

    Baffled.

  5. Actually, there is a National Association for White People, which offers scholarships, etc. It was founded by David Duke.

  6. Is this supposed to be satire? I stopped taking you seriously after your desire to to be called “Amero-American.” Think about what that implies: if you, a “white” person, are Amero-American, what does that make every one else? Is everyone else less of an American?

  7. People... | July 6, 2008 at 3:24 am |

    This is obviously satire…

  8. Wow, this is definitely going to offend some people….
    That’s their problem! Suck it up folks.
    I realy like Euro-American. I’m going to have some T-shirts printed with that.

  9. Satire?

  10. Obviously satire, and hilarious.

    Just because I’m white doesn’t mean I don’t want to be harassed by the police! Why don’t *I* get creepy random strangers touching my hair and calling me “exotic”? I mean, really. It’s not easy being white, man.

  11. Ha!! You’re pretty freakin’ funny…. for a white girl.

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