Putting Laziness to Work for You
Nigel Jones | The Naked Loon↑ click to enlarge ↑
Laziness: it’s not just for sitting around the house anymore. Here in America, the land of such groundbreaking inventions as the recliner and the the diet pill, we have become the world leader in laziness. But how can you make laziness work for you?
The personal benefits of laziness are limitless, but for now let’s limit our focus to one area… say, parking lots.
One great way to exercise the power of laziness in the parking lot is to never park more than four spaces away from the front of an aisle. Go ahead and spend as much time as necessary driving up and down the aisles, waiting until you see someone in one of those prime spots loading their car, then just put the car in park and wait for them to finish and leave.
Don’t worry about the fact that you’re blocking the aisle while you wait for them to un-park. The angry look on the faces of other drivers that are stuck behind you is just because they’re jealous of the amazing parking space you’re about to get. Sit in your plush Prius as long as it takes to avoid walking the few hundred feet between the open parking spaces at the end of the aisle and the one you will plop down in.
If you get bored waiting for the person to load up their car, just cast them a few annoyed glares or two. It’s a great way to get across the message that they need to hurry up and move their car so you can avoid a minute or two of extremely mild physical activity.
Another great way to make the most of laziness comes on your way back out of the store. Once you finish loading your own car, you could bring your shopping cart back to the nearest cart return, but why bother? Instead, just leave it sitting in whatever place happens to be convenient at the time. Sure, the cart return may only be ten feet away, but you are above such loathsome, tedious tasks. Besides, that’s what the store employees are paid to do, right?
Think of all the effort you can save by putting laziness to work for you the next time you visit a grocery store or retail outlet. With a little creativity and determination, you’re sure to find ways you can employ laziness everywhere you go.
So get out there and get your lazy on. Or don’t. Whatever’s easiest.Rate this story: