Welcome to the inaugural Naked Loon movie review. Our goal with this new movie reviews feature is to help you make important decisions about how to spend your ever-shrinking entertainment budget.
You may be wondering: “Why bother reviewing a movie that came out so long ago?” It’s true, most films are reviewed by hundreds of so-called reputable media outlets in the days following their theatrical release, but you deserve a review that has not been tainted by the shiny gloss of the big screen, or shaped by dirty, dirty movie industry bribes. Also, we’re far too cheap to spend $10 on a movie ticket.
Therefore, we bring you Naked Loon movie reviews. We’ll rent a DVD (or maybe bum it off a friend, or just pirate it off the internet), suffer through a couple hours of alleged “entertainment,” and come back here to give you the straight dope.
Let me begin this review with a warning. If you are thinking of buying Juno on DVD so you can enjoy a thrilling documentary about one of the internet’s first free email services, reliving the glory days of dial-up with blazing fast 14.4 kBaud modems, you are going to be disappointed. As it turns out, Juno has nothing to do with email at all.
Juno’s recipe for success includes a mixture of bizarre nonsensical music, some hamburger phones, a handful of 19-to-25-year-olds pretending to be high schoolers, and one glorious scene featuring Rainn Wilson. All in all, it makes for an enjoyable enough experience, but I still wish there was more email.
Of course, a misleading title is not Juno’s only flaw. Despite its edgy flavor, the film still falls victim to some classic clichés. Remember high school? How many of you went to a high school where a popular cheerleader & gothy outcast were best friends? And is every parent on the planet really the blind and slobbering idiot that high school movies like this make them out to be? Yikes.
I think my favorite scene (other than the one with Rainn Wilson) was at the very end, when Juno and Bleeker were sitting in front of his house singing one of those hideous tunes, and the camera pulled back very, very slowly. The framing of the shot, combined with the slow suspenseful zoom out made me think something awesome and unexpected was going to happen, like the entire house suddenly and violently exploding, knocking the two to the ground. Sadly that didn’t happen, but they spent enough time zooming out that I was able to paint a vivid picture of such a scene in my head, then get up and go make a sandwich, and when I came back they were still zooming out.
Final Rating: Pick it up if you see it in the Wal*Mart Bargain bin or at a garage sale.