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Totally Normal Wet, Gray Weather Surprises Forgetful Seattle Residents

An average June afternoon at the Seattle Center.
Nigel Jones | The Naked Loon↑ click to enlarge ↑An average June afternoon at the Seattle Center.

Much to the dismay of the recent California migrants that make up 60% of the Seattle-area population, recent Puget Sound weather patterns continue to show no sign of shifting from “gray with drizzle” to “partly gray.”

In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one—cloudy skies, rain, and 60-degree weather continue to persist in the Seattle area as the technical start of “summer” rapidly approaches. Despite the incredible normality of this phenomenon, the unrelenting dreary weather has led to an outbreak of residents tearing their clothes and cursing the sky, as tears of anger stream down their faces.

“I guess it doesn’t normally come until July or August, but seriously, I wish summer would just hurry up and get here already,” said Dupont resident Stacey Cassel between shrieks of rage. “Summer is my favorite week of the year,” she added.

Similar reactions were expressed by befuddled tech workers and baristas throughout the Puget Sound, whose memories of past spring seasons were either lost or non-existent.

“I don’t get it,” said Starla Maier, a recent transplant from San Diego. “I thought November was only thirty days long, not over two hundred.”

Although May in Seattle brought above-average temperatures and less than half the normal amount of precipitation, the general consensus throughout the Seattle area was that it was an unusually gloomy month.

“I’m not a human almanac or anything,” said Ken Harding, an REI salesman from Redmond, “but I’m pretty sure spring is usually nicer than this.” If by “is usually nicer” Harding meant “has more rain and is generally colder,” then his assessment is indeed correct.

A poor recollection of past weather patterns wasn’t bad news for everyone though. Hapless locals expecting to beat the rush were responsible for a strong spring selling season for area solar panel dealers. Unfortunately, even those homeowners who covered their entire roof in solar panels have discovered that the energy output is insufficient to power even a light therapy device for Seasonal Affective Disorder. This has led residents to seek alternative uses for the panels, such as nailing them to wooden stakes and painting homemade Obama yard signs.

Gray skies and occasional rainfall are expected to continue with regularity into June and July, leading to equally predictable complaints from area residents that have somehow managed to forget that they live in Western Washington, where the weather is pretty much always gray and wet.

“If the sun doesn’t come out soon,” said Cassel, “I may have to complain on my blog.”

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2 Comments on “Totally Normal Wet, Gray Weather Surprises Forgetful Seattle Residents”

  1. Thanks for helping us keep it all in historical perspective!

  2. LaNina is in and will be in for ten years. AS for CO2 caused global warming. It has been delayed because a big load of CO2 came into the atmosphere with the burning of wood (that’s terrible) on West Seattle Beaches by people who don’t care about dictatorships in Africa who need to steal US foreign aid to ‘off set’ the terrible results of ‘global warming’ not cause by their CO2 or something like that. Did I get that right?’
    So it is going to be cold and wet this summer and we call that ‘climate change’ and we need to ‘cap and trade’ that to insure that Al Gore’s $750 Million cap and trade fund can triple in value overnight. He needs the money, honey.

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