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2008-04-01

Screw Transportation Compromise, Seattle Should Ban Cars Outright

When it comes to our area’s transportation problems, you hear a lot of talk these days about “compromise.” People say that transit advocates and road supporters should come together and find a middle ground that will benefit the entire community. You know what? Screw that. There, I said it.

I am tired of pretending that there are two sides to the so-called transportation “debate.” The simple fact of the matter is…

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2008-09-13

Ford Announces Huge Truck Sale for Ike Victims

As Hurricane Ike sweeps through southeast Texas leaving a trail of devastation in its wake, Ford Motor Co. has announced an exciting new vehicle promotion available exclusively to hurricane-affected areas.

“For many Texas families, the massive destruction of Hurricane Ike has wiped out everything: their homes, their pets, and—most importantly—their pickup trucks,” says a new Ford TV ad already being broadcast across Texas Saturday. “Announcing the Ford Super Ike Disaster Recovery Sale.”

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2008-07-18

Supreme Court Clears Michelle Obama on Marijuana-Scented Spikes in Greenlake

The state Supreme Court issued a unanimous decision Friday, clearing Michelle Obama of wrongdoing in the mysterious placement of marijuana-scented metal spikes discovered buried on the floor of Greenlake.

The spikes were discovered by a policeman during a routine patrol of the lake. When one of the ten-foot, machine-sharpened, diamond-tipped spikes was pulled from the slimy lakebed, the unmistakable smell of marijuana led to the discovery and subsequent arrest of nine-hundred more, scattered throughout the lake.

In addition to the Greenlake spike Supreme Court ruling, Mrs. Obama’s visit to Washington State this week was also timed to coincide with a fundraiser for Christine Gregoire and the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale…

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2008-05-28

Naked Loon Travel: Boston

As a resident of the greater Seattle area, you know that there is no better place on Earth than the perfect paradise we live in here in the Puget Sound.

While traveling outside of our green and blue utopia is a decidedly bizarre and unnatural course of action, it is understandable that you might sometimes find yourself wondering what life is like for the unprivileged masses that are doomed to live in the less desirable 99.99% of the planet.

Thankfully for you, The Naked Loon is rushing to your aid yet again, going places you don’t want to go and coming back to bring you all the disturbing details. This month’s punishing journey takes our roving reporter 2,500 miles away, clear over to the shriveled husk of an allegedly-once-great city: Boston, Massachusetts.

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2008-10-21

Local Shoe Company Unveils Ultimate Gimmick Shoe

Tacoma-based shoe company Wear the Foot issued a press release Tuesday announcing the latest breakthrough in high-tech shoe wizardry: the Pump-Light-Rolly shoe.

“We’re proud to be the first and only shoe company in the world to offer the advanced breakthroughs of pump technology, light-up soles, and wheeled heels in a single shoe,” CEO Howard Spitzer was quoted as saying in the release.

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