Local Shoe Company Unveils Ultimate Gimmick Shoe

Tacoma-based shoe company Wear the Foot issued a press release Tuesday announcing the latest breakthrough in high-tech shoe wizardry: the Pump-Light-Rolly shoe.

“We’re proud to be the first and only shoe company in the world to offer the advanced breakthroughs of pump technology, light-up soles, and wheeled heels in a single shoe,” CEO Howard Spitzer was quoted as saying in the release.

Wear the Foot has a history of taking enormous risks in the shoe business, with big payoffs. The Pump-Light Rolly is just the latest addition to their long line of groundbreaking shoes, according to Spitzer.

“Have you seen shoes with pumps, lights, or wheels in them before?” asked the release. “Maybe. But have you ever seen all three of these revolutionary shoe advancements in a single, incredible shoe? No you have not.”

The Pump-Light-Rolly shoe will retail for $75, and will be distributed through Target, JC Penny, Nordstrom, specialty footwear outlets, and Wear the Foot’s independent retail chain.

“This is THE shoe that everyone from age five to ninety-five will be buying this holiday season,” said the release. “They would be pretty awesome for people over ninety-five too, but seriously old fogies should probably consult a doctor or something first.”

For the inevitable flood of customers that plan to throw out all their other shoes and replace their entire footwear collection with Pump-Light-Rollys, Wear the Foot is offering a special “buy four, get two half-off” coupon.

“We want to make it as easy as possible for everyone on the planet to enjoy the greatest shoe of all time,” said Spitzer.

Just hours after the press release was announced on Wear the Foot’s website, hundreds of customers had formed a line outside the downtown Seattle store on 5th and Union. Most of the people in the enthusiastic crowd had removed their shoes, and were burning them in a large bonfire in the middle of the sidewalk as they chanted hypnotically: “Pump Light Roll, Pump Light Roll.”

Pump-Light-Rollys hit the street this Friday, October 24th.

About the Author

Björn Maximus
Naked Loon Business Reporter

2 Comments on "Local Shoe Company Unveils Ultimate Gimmick Shoe"

  1. Sweet! Just in time for my birthday!!!

  2. PastorBlastor | October 21, 2008 at 7:46 pm |

    Hey! They stole my idea! Except my shoes have one secret their’s does not have… SPRINGS in the heels! Mine are the Springylightypumpyrolly Shoes!

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