E-Mail 'Coca-Cola to Test New Coke Nega in Seattle' To A Friend

Email a copy of 'Coca-Cola to Test New Coke Nega in Seattle' to a friend

Loading ...

2008-08-04

Mutant Man-Mouse Hybrid Escapes UW Lab

Disaster struck the U District Monday, as a 6-foot, three-hundred-pound man-mouse hybrid escaped from containment at the University of Washington’s Comparative Genomics Center (CGC) and rampaged through the neighborhood, leaving a trail of terrified children and weirded out adults in its wake.

“It was awful,” said U District resident Penny Orting. “It just came out of nowhere and started waving its hands all over the place, slowly walking toward the children… and they just stood there, paralyzed with fear.”

The genetic abomination is the result of ten years of study at the CGC. A secret project codenamed “Icy Smoke Emu” was funded by $82 million obtained through an innocuous-looking line-item for “test vials” in the biology department’s annual budget.

Read More

2008-09-05

Budding Journalist Aspires to One Day be Laid Off by Seattle Times

Just two years out of college, 28-year-old journalist Joshua Licks has big dreams for the future. Currently a reporter for the Bothell / Kenmore Reporter, a small local paper delivered weekly to about 15,000 homes, Licks dreams of one day landing a job at The Seattle Times, where he will subsequently be laid off due to the paper’s continually declining circulation and ad revenue.

“It’s every journalism student’s dream to make it to one of the slowly dying big dailies,” said Licks. “Hopefully, if I write enough interesting, hard-hitting pieces, I’ll eventually be good enough to get hired, and soon thereafter fired by the Seattle Times.”

Read More

2008-05-26

Fallen Soldiers Honored with Incredible Memorial Day Sales

From Olympia to Bellingham, Puget Sound residents were out in force today honoring the memories of fallen military men and women by taking advantage of amazing Memorial Day sales at dozens of local retailers.

“What better way to honor those who have died fighting for our freedom than to pick up a designer handbag at Nordstrom for 40% off,” said Seattle resident Mary Fortran. Shoppers all around the Sound apparently agreed, as they grabbed unbelievable deals by the thousands on on barbeques at Sears, plasma TVs at Best Buy, and camping gear at REI.

Read More

2008-06-12

Naked Loon Classifieds for the Week of Whatever Week This is

Ride the SLUT to work!
Looking for a thrilling career? Look no further than Amazon! You can join our team and work on all kinds of exciting SQL, DHTML/XML, GBRSH, and hundreds more techno-abbreviations that are sure to impress your tech-ignorant extended family back in whatever backward Midwest town you escaped from. Visit the website for info. If it’s not down again, that is.

Got a great body?
Hot Lips Espresso is hiring! One of our baristas just went through a difficult breakup, resulting in a few too many nights spent with Ben & Jerry, if you get our drift. So, we’re on the hunt for some new eye-candy to trick all those lonely love-starved men into buying our overpriced coffee. If your age and BMI are both under 19, apply today! Call 206-HOT-LIPS for more details.

Read More

2008-06-01

How are We Dealing with High Gas Prices?

(Visit The Naked Loon to view this life-altering graphic)

Read More