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You are browsing the Naked Loon story archives.
You know what I hate? I hate being wrong! Wait, did I say wrong? Scratch that, I’m never wrong.
I just hate it when someone confronts me and tries to get me to back up my views with so-called logic and reason. Listen, peopleāI don’t base my beliefs on actual “logical thought” or “rational thinking,” okay? Do I look like some sort of college professor or something? Sheesh.
I don’t so much use reason to come to my beliefs, as raw emotion…
Seattle is the greatest city on the planet. Strange as it may seem, there are millions of people that have not been enlightened to this basic truth. I have helpfully compiled a “top 10″ list that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt just how awesome Seattle truly is.
10) People in Seattle are more educated and more intelligent than the dim-witted populace of other cities.
9) Not only are we intellectually superior, we are also morally superior. We care about all the important things like saving the planet, stopping global warming, and buying organic. It feels good to be so good…
It seems like the popular thing to talk about these days is all the racial tension and “hidden racism” against African-Americans. That is fine, I am as anti-racism as the next progressive, but let me tell you something: it is not easy being white, either.
Let me just start with the word “white.” Who decided that it was okay to call me that? I prefer “Euro-American” or simply “Amero-American.” But white does not even accurately describe the actual color of my skin. Do you know what is actually white? Toilets, mayonnaise, and snow. People call me white right to my face; day in and day out. What they are really calling me is “snowy mayo toilet-skin.”