Archive for October 2008
You are browsing the Naked Loon story archives.
Oil Companies: Now is a Great Time to Drive
Hit hard by the double whammy of a faltering economy and falling gas prices, oil companies have launched a nationwide consumer education program extolling the benefits of driving.
Over the next three months the industry plans to spend $50 million attempting to convince the public that “Now is a Great Time to Drive.”
Fed Cuts Rate to 1% to Ensure Prolonged Recession
In a panicked move Wednesday, the Federal Reserve cut its benchmark interest rate by half a percentage point to one percent, guaranteeing the worst U.S. economic downturn in the postwar era, if not the worst of all time.
“Recent policy actions, including today’s rate reduction, should help to amplify the downside risks to growth which remain,” said the Federal Open Market Committee in yesterday’s statement.
Repulsive Facebook Update Sends Shockwaves Through 2028 Campaign
16-year-old John Baker of Redmond utterly destroyed his 2028 campaign for President Tuesday, when he updated his Facebook profile with an unspeakably offensive missive, intended to get a laugh out of his friends.
Thinking his peers would find it hilarious, Baker updated his Facebook status Tuesday afternoon at approximately 3:24 PM to display the message that “John is [censored]ing his sister’s collection of…
Previous Stories
- Both of Seattle’s Basketball Fans Depressed as NBA Season Begins
- Weird Al Arrested in Illegal Chinchilla Breeding Sting
- Researchers Conclude Cat Urine “Mostly Ineffective” at Reducing Facial Wrinkles
- Learning to Cope Without Circus Animals
- Seattle: World Class City
- Thank Goodness It’s Polar Fleece Season!
- Google to Seattle: Seriously Guys, Drop Dead
- Banana Spill on 520 Bridge Sends 500 Commuters into Lake Washington
- Violent Crime in Tacoma Sees Dramatic One Percent Drop
- Local Shoe Company Unveils Ultimate Gimmick Shoe
- Cloud Cover Linked to Superior Intellect
- MIT Study: Internet Rife With Hypocrisy, Lies
- King Co. Practice Ballot
- The Naked Loon Reviews: TV Comedies
- Rossi, Gregoire Trade Literal Blows in Final Debate
- Bob the Plumber Sues McCain for Discrimination
- Live It Up on 32 Cents a Day (or Less)
- Bothell Man Experiences Uncharacteristically Safe, Friendly Commute
- Market Recovers Fraction of Massive Losses: Crisis Averted!
- The Economic Meltdown Has Gone Too Far
- Market Got You Down?
- Sterilizations Skyrocket as Economy Crumbles
- Deprivation and Despair Overwhelm Seattle
- 1st National Bank of Under My Mattress Reports Record Deposits
- Former WaMu Customers Peeved at New JPMorgan Ads
- Schadenfreude Means Big Money for Local Musician
- Lingerie-Clad Baristas Shocked by Sexual Harassment
- Paulson to Congress: You’re Mine Now, Suckas
- Coming Soon: Local Bailout Proposals
- What This Family Needs is a $700K Emergency Loan
- Senate Passes Puppies & Kittens Rescue Bill
- Former WaMu CEO: “Whoo-oops!”
- Voters Infuriated by Unexpected Breakout of Responsibility in Congress
